Caring for Your Body in Grief
How are things feeling for you as we move further into the holiday season?
I suspect that, for many of you, it may be rough going. Frankly, the first Thanksgiving after my sister’s death was awful.
I expected to feel sad and to not feel celebratory. What I didn’t expect was intense fatigue and full body aches–everything from a hurting back to achy joints to legs so sore I could barely stand. I spent most of the day in bed, showing up only for the meal. I didn’t even come down later for pie (and believe me, I never miss pie).
Had I not known better, I would have thought I had the flu. But I was familiar with what I was feeling; it was the same way I felt for weeks and weeks after my sister died.
It wasn’t illness; it was grief.
We talk a lot about the emotional experience of grief, but it’s not only our hearts that need tending–our bodies do too. Grief is a physiological, full body experience that can impact our bodies and minds in ways we may not expect.
Here are just some of the ways that grief can show up in the body and mind:
Changes in respiration, blood pressure, and heart rate
Muscle pain, chest pain, joint pain, and headaches
Fatigue, difficulties with sleep, and not feeling rested even after sleeping
Digestive problems, weight gain or weight loss
A suppressed immune system and more susceptibility to illness and allergies
Shortness of breath, feeling shaky, increased anxiety, and an inability to sit still
Brain fog, confusion, memory problems, and difficulty concentrating
If you’re feeling exhausted right now, it’s no wonder. Take a look again at all the ways grief may be impacting your system. (And now take a moment to give yourself a little love as you somehow make your way through this impossible thing.)
You might imagine that some of these effects occur in the weeks or months after a loss, but the truth is that they can extend beyond that. These impacts may persist, come and go, or disappear for months and then reappear when grief is activated.
It can be easy to chalk up our exhaustion and sleepless nights to the hustle and bustle of the holidays, but remember that it may also be the impact of grief. Sometimes it helps to understand why we’re feeling the way we’re feeling and know that we need to go easy. (And importantly—if you’re experiencing physical symptoms that are persistent and/or significantly impacting you, always seek out a health professional. It’s important to rule out any medical cause and to get support with managing your symptoms.)
As with every aspect of grief, there are no quick fixes. However, when you find that your grief is activated, one of the most helpful things you can do is tend to your body. This might mean that you get back to basics and do the following:
Prioritize sleep when you can. Limited sleep can make it harder to regulate emotions.
Adjust your plans and expectations to leave more room for rest if you need it.
Stay well hydrated and eat nutritious foods. Small meals and light snacks sometimes feel easier to manage.
Move your body; keep it gentle if that feels best. Things like brief walks and light stretching can have a big impact.
Offer your body soothing sensory experiences like comforting music, the feeling of the sun on your skin, a mug of tea, or a pair of socks warm from the dryer. If you have access to experiences like massage, sound baths, or other sensory and body-based services, now might be a good time to treat yourself.
If you’re grieving this season, you’re doing a hard thing at an especially difficult time. Remember that while your heart and mind need tending, your body may need the same. Honor your body’s needs, rest when you can, and know you aren’t alone in your feelings.
As always, take gentle care of yourself.
