The Right Words to Support Someone In Grief
Unfortunately I’ve sat with countless clients who don’t feel seen and understood in their grief.
Most people get helpful support for a little while. People give their condolences. Casseroles are delivered. Texts and cards arrive with some regularity.
And then things start to fall apart.
It’s not only that people (understandably) move on with their busy lives. It’s also that people start to get uncomfortable with grievers’ discomfort. People are no longer sure what to say. They feel inadequate in the ways they know how to show support, so they quietly back away. They worry about upsetting the person, so they don’t mention the loss at all.
When people who are grieving don’t find the support they need, they stop looking for it. They go about their daily lives, masking their pain. They function because they have to, but no one knows how desperately they wish that someone would acknowledge the gaping hole in their lives.
It’s not our fault that we don’t feel more prepared to support those in grief. In a culture that dodges the reality of mortality and prizes productivity, we’re given no roadmap for sitting with those who are in the messy, painful landscape of loss.
I’m happy to report that one of my colleagues has created that roadmap for us!
Shelby Forsythia’sOf Course I’m Here Right Now helps us find the words that matter when we’re supporting someone who’s grieving—because our words do matter. Unhelpful words can add pain on top of pain, while the right words can be a glimmer of light that someone desperately needs in their hour of darkness.
I was lucky enough to read an advanced copy of this book and to happily give it this endorsement:
In a world that asks us to tuck grief away, Of Course I’m Here Right Now invites us to create something different—a world in which grievers feel seen and supported, one interaction at a time. If you’ve wished you could do more to help, but don’t know how, Of Course I’m Here Right Now will show you the way.
If you’re supporting someone who’s grieving, this book will give you practical, helpful guidance. If you’re grieving, this book will bring you comfort by giving you words you might need to hear. Might I also suggest that we all buy copies to leave on our coffee tables, donate to our local libraries, and place in our breakrooms at work?
None of us will escape this life without loss. If we want to create a world that makes room for loss in a meaningful way, we have to learn how to show up differently. I hope this book will be one tool to help us all do that.
As always, take gentle care of yourself.
P.S. If you’re looking for other recommended grief reading, be sure to check out the library on my website for my most-recommended grief books.
